Monday, January 30, 2006

"The Downsizing Blues Paradigm"

"Uh oh."

"What?"

"I dropped my damn guitar."

"Dude. Don't speak ill of your axe, man."

"Dude? Man? Who the hell do you think you are?"

"A guy who doesn't need any more of your...ah what's the use..."

"What?"

"Look. I've been trying to get through to you since Phoenix. We played for two drunks in Tucson, a half-dozen secretaries in Santa Fe, and a CFO conference in Austin... and after everyone left, they wouldn't even pay us."

"Your point?"

"There is no market for 'Business Rock.'"

Donny was silent. Clearly, he wanted his pronouncement to sink in. No market for Business Rock. Indeed. As if it wasn't clear as ever that Business Rock's time is now!

"Donny," I said. "Visionaries are always..."

"...considered fools at first, yes I know. But when you hired me as bass player and 'Chief Operating Officer' of this band, I thought you had a following. I thought you had critics behind you..."

"That's what I call Great Corporate PR!" It was one of my finer moments. My clip book of Photoshopped articles I'd expect to see in our first year and dramatic quotes from "critics" were as convincing to Donny and Greg, our drummer/Chief Technical Officer, as they were to booking agents, clubs and conferences. PR works, baby!

"I mean, I thought the songs were, let's face it, crap. But I figured someone must like it so maybe you were on to something."

"And I am. We're on the cusp of the proverbial tornado of dramatic change in the musical landscape, a new paradigm where the hopes and dreams of the white collar worker have a voice in a new generation of rock and roll..."

"Right. Like Accounting for Your Love? CPA, I Love You..."

"Classics!"

"And who can forget The Outsourcin' Blues, and Middle Management Shuffle and I Ain't Harrassin' (I'm just askin')?"

"Country Classics!" I was getting impatient. "Look, if you don't believe in this endeavor, just leave. Get out of here. I don't need you. Business Rock can never die!"

"Whatever, man. I'm out of here."

"You can't quit!"

"Why not?"

"Because," I said, pointing my finger like a gun. "You're fired."

"Fired?"

"Well, laid off, really. We'll position it as a 'restructuring'."

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